Pigeons
Irritated: Every dawn a fat and ugly sex maniac pigeon brings one of his whores to my windowsill and sets to it in a very noisome and raucous fashion. It's driving me crazy, turning me into an insomniac and, more importantly, putting me off.....
Clever man: Stick a picture of a hawk on your window. Hawks hate pigeons and they know it!
Irritated: Marvellous. It works. Nothing but the terrified swooshing of wings as they fly on by in a flutter of fear!
